PASTOR'S DEALING WITH THE LIES OF OTHERS

  copyright(c)2016 Daneille Gray Snowden

2016

Art by Rev. Paul F. Gray - Retired Pastor of over 50 years in the ministry.

PASTOR'S DEALING WITH THE LIES OF OTHERS

The first time I saw this banner my own father drew many years ago, my heart sunk into my stomach. My husband, Brad and I were just starting the Pastorate ministry. I had grown-up in a Pastor's home, and saw this ugly-hurt that afflicted my parents deeply.

Yet, their response to this type of attack, is why I even today, can continue doing what God called us to do. Droves of people leave churches, and pastors quit because of an ugly weapon called the 'TONGUE'.

Being we all are human, all kinds of emotions fill our bleeding hearts. It's how we entertain those emotions that is vital to healing and then achieve victory.

Sins of the flesh rise over and over again in every home all across the globe; including the House of God.  If one is battling a babbling tongue that strikes 'deep-pain' have a teachable/pliable heart. This would allow the Holy Spirit to contain the HEART...thus the tongue would be tamed.

Yet, this does not happen quite enough does it? My own husband [Pastor Brad Snowden] and also my father [Rev. Paul Gray]; taught me a long time ago (when dealing with those who do spread gossip/lies about us and our church), is that we must first and foremost pray for them. Thus, not say a word, until it is 'for-sure' COVERED by the Blood...in our own minds, spirit and hearts. Thus, our response - if there is one; will be that of the Spirit and not the flesh.

Secondly, when we do have to approach this matter - we do so tenderly and cautiously using the Wisdom from God's Word to guide us. Recall what our own Lord Jesus, when He said;

"But I say to you, do not resist an evil person [who insults you or violates your rights]; but whoever slaps you on the right cheek, turn the other toward him also [simply ignore insignificant insults or trivial losses and do not bother to retaliate—maintain your dignity, your self-respect, your poise]." Matt. 5:38-40

Thirdly, in dealing with the injury as it happens: The 'episode' can be a few minutes, and sometimes years regardless ; there is an injury that inflicts, isn't there? It causes a deep wound that makes your heart sick. Here is a list the defines the infliction:

1) We call this the grieving of the Holy Spirit. It was never the Lord's Will for His Children to divide- but be One.

2) The Fruits of the Spirit were spoiled in this situation.

3) Grieving the loss of a brother/sister (spiritual) friendship-hurts.

4) There is nothing we can do about it. It happened, and we must come to realize that we cannot control what comes out of the mouth of others.

 I am a mother in many ways; I want to lovingly nurture and teach my 'children' to get along, forgive and move forward [meaning in the church]. BUT... it doesn't jive when the SIN OF FLESH, PRIDE, LIES & GOSSIP come forth.

A question by many pastors and their wives I get is; "What do we do about the constant lies that continue and even those who so choose to believe them?"

First of all, I don't have a perfect answer, because every situation is different. We must realize that it all does come from ONE PLACE (doesn't it)!

'LIES ARE FROM THE PIT OF HELL!'

"You are of your father the devil, and it is your will to practice the desires [which are characteristic] of your father. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks what it natural to him, for he is a liar and the father of lies and half-truths." Jn. 8:44 

Thus, our approach should be viewed clearly as 'SPIRITUAL WARFARE' -- and we must fast and pray! It's important to ask  others to pray, even without giving details (so you don't fall prey to the gossip as well).  I guarantee that in an amazing way and perfect time --- your heart and spirit will be healed. I have faced this over and over again being in the ministry my entire life; Yet -

"I've never seen the righteous forsaken..." Ps. 37:25

By Artist Maureen Dean Order
here. [click her name]

Next, we have to surrender this into the Hands of our Lord, that is all the words, lies and even all the hurt. This can be happen in an instant, or require an all night prayer meeting (smile), and simply day-by-day. It has been all three for me. Once this hurt has healed me (although the junk may be still spreading around) - I then experience the warmth of God's Healing touch, and then my spirit is  lightened! 
It's true! I shake my head in bewilderment, knowing my own tendencies - and I truly feel God has it all. Thus, I am able to 'HOLD MY HEAD HIGH'; no matter what is said and done. PtL!

Then, there are the 'meetings'. Yes, unfortunately; the 'official' meeting of the dispute does come at least 50% or less of the time. I rather go to a dentist...I hate 'conflict'- don't you? Who likes it? Well, unfortunately there are ones who embellish it. [SAD] How do we this?
1) Witnesses...get witnesses; your church leadership. Godly people about 3 to 5. 
2) Openness...hide nothing.  
3) Your leadership over you. In our case, a presbyter. This is if it hasn't been resolved. This is RARE.
4) Leave the meeting with a peaceful salutation. No matter how it ends. 
5) Some do not let it go, they simply want their way. If their way does NOT happen at this meeting; they will want another meeting. [A tormenting spirit; that wants control.]  END IT!  You have done all you can on your part. 
* Prayer  *Openness  *Communication  *Bring witnesses in  *Leadership brought in.

YOU'RE DONE!

6) Move on - be an excellent example to the flock & your family by displaying God's Powerful Love.

I truly believe: "All things work together for good, to them that LOVE God, and to them Who are THE CALLED according to HIS purpose." Rom. 8:28

May the Lord bless, strengthen and continue to anoint you as you GO FORWARD-- ministering for Him.

If you need to talk, or prayer; just write me and I will be 'in-touch'!
~Daneille
   

FACING BULLIES IN THE BODY OF CHRIST

 copyright(c)2015 Daneille Gray Snowden

All Rights Reserved                   

Quotes From Authors J.D. Myrers & Jennifer LeClaire 

 

FACING BULLIES IN THE BODY OF CHRIST

There is an unfortunate "no tell" norm in Christendom that most everyone has dealt with or will and that is the stink of 'being bullied!" Now, most of us can possibly recall when we were children and having faced an individual or two who pushed, shoved, and called us  names (and much more). I know I can say I've been there more times than I choose to remember  myself.

 

Do you remember how it made you feel? Hurt, alone, ugly, afraid, and intimidated to name a few- right?

 

I was a pastor's kid and now have been a pastor's wife (& co-pastor) for 23 years; even though I knew a bit about  Church Bullies when I was young; I can recall the feeling of  'bewilderment' when it first happened to me as an adult. My thoughts were, "How can a Christian say those things and treat another brother or sister in Christ in such a way?"  Hey, I still ask that one even today? The CHRISTLIKE spirit wouldn't ridicule or invert fear into another. Right???

 

No doubt each of us could tell some amusing stories that involve pain, hurt and anger. Many times it involves people leaving the church, including pastors. Now, I know for a fact that there are some pastors who are bullies; being in the home of a pastor my entire life makes me shake my head in shame. I heard someone even today quote this: "Those who inflict pain are usually in pain." Trying to see past this act and seeing the pain is difficult to do; but would help in the long run.

 

Pastors, board members, associates, teachers and so on in history have been the oppressors on God's People. The victims can be the exact same folks as well. I have belonged to a few pastor's wife groups, as well as have friends who are pastors who have been wounded time and time again.  

 

 "Bullies work through tactics like fear, manipulation, sarcasm, coercion, ridicule, cold shoulder, overreacting, blaming, using the Word as a sledgehammer, verbal attacks, gossip and the like." J. LeClaire

Read what author J.D. Myers wrote in;
 I HATE CHURCH BULLIES  [link]
"Church bullies are often people who love to be in charge. They like controlling people. They imagine themselves to be great leaders who are in a unique position to tell others how to live and what to do.
Church bullies almost always like feeling important and knowledgeable, be it about how the church should be run, what God and the Bible say, and how other people should think, live and vote.
Church bullies are very insecure. They think they are smart, buddies with God,
                                                         whose personal lives are out of control.
Occasionally we encounter church bullies who are actually mean, evil people, pretending to be otherwise because they’ve found a place (church) where they can get away with their need to bully other people."
 "A bully has done his job well:  taught that confronting the he/she is akin to punching God in the nose: .."

Jennifer LeClaire  [click] who wrote: RELIGIOUS BULLIES: ANSWERING THE SPIRIT OF RELIGION'S ATTACKS
"Says bullies are: "Condemnation-heaping religious antagonizers who refuse to let someone forget past mistakes.
Religious bullies might run in the “right” circles, dress the “right way” and say the “right” things, but inside they are filthy, full of greed and self-indulgence! (see Matt. 23:15)"


How do we RESPOND to a bully?  Myrers wrote: *"Ignore church bullies."   *"Clearly tell them that their behavior (describe it briefly) is unacceptable and we will not tolerate that behavior."

J. LeClaire also suggests:
- "Seeing the spirit behind the bully. This is widely known as the religious spirit.
-  Pray that they be set free from the influence of this murdering spirit. Don’t get too emotional when a religious bully confronts you—and don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault and you haven’t done anything wrong. Religious bullies have emotional problems of their own, so don’t engage at the emotional level. Clearly, you are a threat to the religious spirit or you wouldn’t be a target."

Do stand up for yourself if the bully does not stop or repent. My husband and I have faced quite a bit of this, (note: when in leadership this will happen). Someone had bullied myself (and others) quite a bit until one day it became quite abusive. I felt the Lord's Hand upholding me to stand up for myself (of which I normally do NOT do). What happened later is not what I would like, but as Jesus did in John 18:23; “If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil; but if well, why do you strike Me?” He stood up for Himself to the hypocrites.  "Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. You can stand up to a religious bully without stooping to their level."  [J. LeClaire]
    
If the Christian Bully is no longer able to either fellowship at your church, or be in the same 'circles'; another form of bullying is gossip. Doing this to the point the oppressor absolutely believes the lies as truth, then he or she starts spreading them.

This fact has hurt myself deeply, and so many who have been wounded. Yet, like any trial we face; it's our actions that truly count. Someone told me; "Live as pure, holy and loving (with God's strength) that what they (those who wronged you) say is seen as wrong."

I ask the Lord the simple naïve question; "Why does this happen in the Body of Christ?" Quite simply the Lord responded; "Because my people allow this world, it's ways and spirit to take charge of their attitudes and hearts." So sad; but there is HOPE and it's in Christ by surrendering this to Him and vowing to have His Spirit live in and through us; bearing good fruits.



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FOR CHILDREN BEING BULLIED DO READ THIS EXCELLENT ARCITLE:
 What Not To Do When A Child Tells You They Are Being Bullied   by   Trisha Peach